But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
