One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
