I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
