she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
