If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
