Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
