yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
