I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
