Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
