You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
How's work?
Spinning.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
