I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
