so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
