Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize