I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I think weed is turning my hair brown
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
