I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize