My room smells like vodka and shame
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
