you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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