My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
