I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
