Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
