I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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