my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
