I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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