dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
