windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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