so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
You've changed since you got that strap on
Randomize
