You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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