I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
