You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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