Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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