I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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