I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
