I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
My bed is full of blood and feathers
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize