she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
