My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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