In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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