Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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