Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
