why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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