Whod you bang
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
