You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
