I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
