As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
