he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
