Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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