We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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