He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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