How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
it's not cheating when I paid for it
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
