Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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