Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize