I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Randomize
