It's a beautiful day for a hangover
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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