As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
