We're facebook friends in real life
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
