before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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