the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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