Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
