my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
