I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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