I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
