YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
