Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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