i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
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