My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
