now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
