Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
