Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
