You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
